The theory of letting go

This is kind of a personal post. I don't generally write personal things for the world to see, but this one I feel needs to be shared. It may not connect with any of you, so disregard it as rubbish if that is the case.

Here goes...

I'm the oldest of 5. I'm the big sister! Being the oldest at times comes with a certain feeling that one  knows all about life and how it should be done! I have seen my siblings or even friends doing things that I have not agreed with and then at times felt the need to show them a better way. I believe that this is a very natural human desire. That is, the need to fix the problems of those we care about. We love them and we do not want to see them get hurt, so we can feel at times the need to share our experiences in life with them regardless of whether they want it or not.  But, the truth is...We are all different people! We have all had very different experiences that make us do the things we do. It is these experiences that lead us to make the choices in life that we make.

So I'm learning something...To let go! To enjoy the differences in others! Not to expect them to be just like me or even learn from my experiences.

As humans, we can't help but notice what others do in their lives. Unfortunately this can lead to criticism which can be very hurtful! Especially when the people that we love and care about the most disapprove of the way we have chosen our life path. One could look at my life and ask: Why on earth would you want to live with your parents for 4 years? Or why would you want to risk life and limb to move half way around the globe from family and friends?  Can one ever give an answer to such questions that will be satisfactory to a person that has chosen a different life?  The problem is that any explanation given comes directly from a unique experience and so is likely to not have meaning to others. We are each on a distinct life path, and each path is different from all others and leads to a completely different world view. 

So, I've learned another thing...I have to let others judge me! If someone chooses to think that I am  crazy, that is their choice. I have to let go of that too. It is natural to get upset, angry, and hurt when one feels a judgment has been made on ones choices. However, letting go means allowing others to do and think as they wish.

In letting go there is so much freedom! I find that it has lifted the dark cloud of worry that others will make the wrong choice and do something I don't agree with, completely messing up their life. Or that I will do something that they will not approve of. In truth people do make choices that actually do mess up their lives, but I must let go of even that, as I also have the freedom to "mess up my life". It means loving someone and accepting them even when they make a choice contrary to what we feel to be right.  Completely and without reservation loving them through their own life experiences. And the hardest of all, it means loving them when we have been judged, weighed in the balances and found wanting.  

Maybe this is just an idyllic concept. Maybe in reality we will always look at the lives of others through lenses of our own experience. Maybe we are doomed to never truly accept others for who they are.  But, I like to think that we can change. I like to think that we can learn to accept each other and the differences and love unconditionally. I think really, it must be this way! After all, God allows free choice. He allows us to do things that don't fit into his ideal plan for us. Even allowing us the choice to not believe there is a God. (And I give you freedom to think I'm crazy for believing, and I give you the freedom to not believe). Trying to control each others thoughts and actions is a work in futility. We were made to be singular, unique individuals.

Feel free to disagree with me. Add your comments and correct me if I'm wrong. Maybe I'm the only one that thinks about such things. Maybe this is a lesson you have learned years and years ago and are saying to yourself, "I'm so glad she finally figured it out!!". So, maybe this is a post to myself to remind me. But, really I want it to be a post from my heart to yours, to let you know that I accept you, and love you without regard for who you are or what choices you have made. And I love you no matter what you think of me.

So there you have it. The deep inner workings of my thoughts. Disregard, or take it to heart, it is your choice.
                 

Laws of the road

 Sunday September 22
So on Sunday we had our first real adventure driving. We needed a few things from the grocery store which required a trip down the mountain. Our friends were away for the weekend and were so kind to leave us their car to use! We have not had a lot of time to go out here, or I should say Seth hasn't had the time to take us out. Yes, I know I could drive alone, but give me time! I'm still adjusting to the ways of the road. We don't know our way around yet, but have been out enough that we thought we could figure it out. With Seth as the driver and me as the navigator we set out.

We found our way with only one wrong turn! Pretty good I'd say for a first time.  

Really, the driving here isn't so bad. With just a few trips out on the road one learns very quickly what the rules are. The rules here are rather like the jungle rules, survival of the fittest! Drive like you are the only one on the road and you'll do fine! Start being too polite and you're likely to have an accident. Treat all traffic signals as mere suggestions, and if you want to merge you just have to stick your nose out there even if it looks like no one will stop for you! They will let you in if you force yourself in. Oh, and honk your horn a LOT!! People aren't being rude most of the time, it's just a great way to say "hey, I'm here where you may not be expecting me to be so beware."  

Below is a picture of us following another car through a red light. There was no one there at the light so why waste time sitting there?! Really, it makes sense, right? Haahaa

These are pictures of the street going up the hill to the University.

As you can see there isn't much good parking, so people park along the road and sometimes in the road if there isn't a convenient parking spot near the shop they need to go into. This can make driving a little more interesting making it necessary to swerve into the other lane to go around the parked cars. No one is upset about this, it's just the way it is.

 Tuesday September 24
 I had a little adventure all on my own today! Seth is away all day today in the refugee camps and I needed water! I know, it's a funny thing to need, isn't there water where you live? Well, yes there is even hot water right out of the tap! However, we can't drink it, or at least that is what I've been told, though some people have said they drink it. Who knows, but I'm not willing to risk it yet. So we have to buy our drinking water from the store. I'm not used to this yet, so last night we ran out of drinking water! I had hoped that my friend was going into town and I could just hitch a ride with her, but alas, she had already done her shopping the day before and didn't need to go, but I was welcome to take the car. I tried coming up with all kinds of ideas of why I couldn't go, but non would stick! We needed water! I took extra long getting ready to go, just psyching myself up. I didn't need to worry, I got there and back all in one piece!! I did a great job of swerving around the parked cars in the road, and squeezed past the trash truck that kept flashing it's lights at me. I'm still not sure what he expected me to do. Then I parked practically in the road just like everyone else! When I was finished I went down a side street to turn around to get back to the main road. The intersection was basically  gridlocked so I just waited till there was a little opening, stuck my nose out and got going in the right direction. Shew...I did it!!

All in all, I feel quite accomplished!   

 

Shopping adventures

Our first shopping trip wasn't much different than other shopping trips in other parts of the world. There are shopping carts and cashiers and isles full of food. However, something that may not be so common are tubs of olives, pickles and pickled vegetables of all kinds, and blocks and wheels of cheese. All the cheeses are white and the only one that looked familiar was the feta cheese. Of course we have all these things in the U.S, but not in most regular grocery stores. In Fresno, finding these items requires a trip across town to Whole Foods or to the middle eastern grocery. Humus, garlic butter, pita bread both small and VERY large, are easy to find. 

What might be a little less common, are all the foods I'm used to just grabbing off the shelf at the local Vons or Save Mart. Though, I must say, I am finding soooo many more "normal" things here than I did in Thailand and even Korea. Corn chips, bread, pickles (not the sweet kind!!), olives, and so many vegetables and fruits that are found in the U.S are also popular here! There are even cheerios, if you are willing to pay. These are the little things that make adjusting to the new environment easier.

Last week my friend Rosemary took me around and showed me all the best places to get the foods I might need. Now that was an adventure! I added my two children to her three and we had quite the entourage! All went well, except for when Anastasia found the hand soap I was purchasing and thought it would be fun to pump it all over her hands. But, really that isn't anything new, she would have done that in the States if I'd given her the chance!

Below is a picture of the ethnic foods section. You can find pasta sauce for about $5 for a small can, soy sauce, even refried beans and flour tortillas! I'll be making my own pasta sauce, it's way better than the canned version anyway! Beans can be found at a nearby bulk foods shop so I'll also be making my own refried beans! I may have to splurge on the flour tortillas, even if I have made those before it's not something I particularly enjoy doing.

So, after checking out, the guys that bagged our groceries carried them out to the car for us. My friend tipped her guy and I tipped mine. As soon as they had their money they suddenly jumped on each other and started fighting! Hitting and punching each other so violently! At first I thought it must be a common thing, but apparently not, because everyone stopped to watch and people rushed in to break up the fight. Just one more thing to add to my growing list of new and bizarre experiences.

Here is a picture of where I will be purchasing my fresh fruits and vegetables. It's just down the street from where our new house is so I'll be able to easily get the things I need. Peaches, plums, grapes, bananas, oranges, are all quite common so they are not expensive.    
   

What an adventure it is to explore our new surroundings. Figuring out how to make the foods we are familiar with, but also learning how to use and cook with the local foods. Today I made pasta with sauce, Marcus kept exclaiming how amazingly wonderful it was and how we will need to eat this often since it reminds him of home. Even Anastasia, who hasn't had much of an appetite since coming here due to sickness, wolfed down 2 bowls!    

Slowly but surely we are adjusting to our surroundings and in time will find all of the newness to be normal. 

Taking the leap

That moment when you are standing at the edge of a cliff with a shear drop off and you get this urge to jump. Most humans jump back in fear and wish someone would build a fence around the spot. And then others of us actually take the leap. After the thrill of the jump, there is a second moment that only those who take the leap know about. It's the fear of the unknown. Will it hurt when we hit the bottom? Of course it will! And those standing at the edge of the cliff watching you fall shout that you should have thought of that before you jumped off into oblivion!

There are many painful experiences that go with a move like we have just made. I like to look at it as a growth experience. As the saying goes, no pain no gain! It's all a part of the process of becoming a better you.

We landed in London after a very long 10 hour flight. Anastasia fought sleep for 2 hours, but then finally slept for the remainder of the flight. We had promised Marcus a quick trip out of the airport to see a few sights. Marcus was also excited to get a new stamp in his passport, how could we say no?! We only had a 5 hour layover so we were pushing our luck, but decided to chance it and go see Westminster Abby. We got the express train to Paddington station then bought tickets for the underground to Westminster. What fun it was to see Marcus' eyes light up with how enormous the Abby is, and how tall Big Ben is.

 Pictures just don't do it justice! We had a quick look around then raced back to catch the underground back to Paddington station and then the express back to the airport. All the while praying we wouldn't miss our flight, and regretting making the decision to leave the airport. We hurried through a short line at the security and then they informed us they had to search our carry-on luggage! Of course it would be searched now that we were running late! Apparently the regulations for liquids in the UK are different than the U.S. I had forgotten there was a little water in one of the water bottles, which they told us to take a drink in front of them proving we had not filled it with some explosive or other weapon of mass destruction. We had Marcus do the honors, further proving to them our complete innocence. Then they had to run tests on ALL the other liquids in my bag! I informed the nice lady that we were really worried about missing our flight, but she comforted me by saying she was sure we would be just fine. She really was nice. It was just a stressful situation. Finally we were on our way and arrived at our gate with 15 minutes till boarding! Shew! Note to self...popping out of the airport for a quick sight seeingtour takes way longer than it used to when it was just Seth and me!


Our next flight to Beirut was only 4 hours. So much more doable than 10! After landing, we collected all of our things except for the stroller, which somehow didn't make it (just found out we get to pick it up on Wednesday). We had 8 pieces of luggage, so we stacked it up on three carts. Seth pushed one, I pushed another with Anastasia in the basket, and Marcus pushed the smallest one. I think Mr. Nagi, the ADRA director, was a little worried about how he would fit all our things in his car, but he got it all in! Two pieces had to go on the roof rack, without any straps and not much to hold them in place! I honestly don't know how they didn't slide off. Especially considering the not so smooth road situation. We then, with help, carried all of those 8 50lbs suitcases up 7 flights of stairs! I began wondered if I really needed all this stuff!! Haahaa


We are staying in the girls dorm until such a time as our apartment is ready for us. One must learn with this kind of life, to be flexible. It's not an ideal situation, but really, it's not so bad. We have comfortable beds and air conditioning. We have an amazing panoramic view of the city and the whole campus for the kids to run and play. So, I'm not complaining. We are now on Lebanese time and we must adapt.

The food is absolutely amazing!! Every day we get a chance to taste something new, and let me tell you, if you thought you have had great Lebanese food in the U.S, just come to Beirut and try it! It is out of this world!
 
That is the glowing report for now of our adventure. It's not always going to be glowing, I can tell you that right now. Having already been through this process more than once I know there are many growing moments ahead, some fun, and others not so fun. However, this is all part of taking the leap.